We have conversations all the time, listening and talking about our day, the job, our families, or even the weather. We all want to be heard, but how well are we listening?
World Listening Day is July 18th, so let’s dive into some crucial listening tips and see if you can gain some skills.
Listening More Important Than Talking
We have two ears to hear and one mouth to speak, so we should listen twice as much as we talk.
Have you ever heard that before? As a kid, you may have taken that as a hint to be quiet, but there’s more wisdom in it than that.
A person who listens well has more control over the conversation. You’re gaining knowledge and insight while the other person is sharing—or venting—and gaining nothing. We all need to vent sometimes, but it’s a momentary thing. You gain far more by listening.
When you listen, you learn about other perspectives, gather information, and build trust. If all you’re doing is talking, you’re just spewing information or opinions and there’s little for you to gain. Talking is necessary, but it can only do a few things: educate (via information or feedback), share (works best when all parties mutually share), release your own tension (venting), or create tension (as in a heated argument). The first two are optimal, but the best way to do that is still to be a great listener. When the dialog goes two ways and both parties are great listeners, that conversation bears good fruit like understanding, trust, education, and even healing.
10 Crucial Listening Tips
Now that you understand how important listening is, let’s look at ten crucial listening tips to help you be a better listener.
Use Body Language
Your body language speaks volumes. Position yourself in a way that shows you’re listening. It doesn’t have to be dramatic but you should appear attentive and ready to listen. Make eye contact or at least face your speaker. Sit upright. Try not to be busy with other tasks while the person is speaking. Face away or put away any distractions. Show that they are important enough to garner your attention.
Practice Silence
If you’re talking, you can’t be listening. Don’t feel the need to fill moments of silence with speech. Let that person think and finish their thoughts in their own time. While you practice silence, the other person is formulating words to continue their thoughts.
Notice Nonverbal Cues
Watch for nonverbal clues as they speak. Are they looking away when something is mentioned? Do they wince with certain topics? Do they light up with other topics? Is this person fidgety or jumpy, or does this person look bored? Notice these nonverbal cues and realize this person is speaking with more than words. If appropriate, you can share what you notice, but be sure it won’t cause discomfort.
Paraphrase
When you repeat back what the other person said in your own words, you help clarify understanding. In addition to paraphrasing, you can repeat their words back exactly to be sure they hear what they’re saying. Often, when you repeat a thought or concept in your own words, a person realizes if he or she explained their thoughts correctly.
Ask for Clarification
When you ask for clarification or more information, you show curiosity and attentiveness. A person feels heard and is eager to share more. You show that you want the information and are willing to hear them out.
Pay Attention
Listen to their words and emotions, and pay attention to their details while they’re talking. Don’t spend that time formulating a rebuttal or you’ll miss something important. Are they more intense with some words or topics? Are they giving details you need to know? Paying attention is harder for some—especially for long-winded speeches—but it gets better with practice, so do your best.
Don’t Judge
Judge the action, not the person, and maybe keep that judgment to yourself unless you’re a supervisor critiquing a student or a new recruit. Some people wear their thoughts on their faces and clearly convey they’re judging others. The best way to control that is to simply listen to their thoughts and realize they’re a person just like you who makes mistakes and sees things differently sometimes. You simply never know another person’s perspectives unless you listen.
Don’t Overthink
Things don’t need to be complicated or analyzed to the core. Keep it simple and focus on the person in front of you. Respond to what’s been said and listen without creating filler unsaid words. Your imagination isn’t helping this person express what’s on their mind. If you feel your reaction is based on how things seem instead of what’s factual, try clarifying what’s real and what’s assumed.
Acknowledge
It’s important to acknowledge a person’s feelings, thoughts, and situation to help them feel heard and understood. Let them know you see their hard time. Call it out by name to show you know and acknowledge their difficulties.
Have Patience
Letting it all out takes courage and can be brutal for some people. Be patient and allow that person time and space to say what they need to say. You would want the same in your difficult moments.
Practice Listening Everyday
The more you practice these listening skills everyday, the better you’ll get. Listening is a lost art in a busy, noisy world full of opinions. In order to be heard, we all need to start listening to each other more intentionally. Let’s start putting listening back into practice today.