You train to become better. You scrutinize and analyze to improve. If you’re not satisfied with your life, it’s usually because you feel you can do better. How do you find the best version of yourself so you can feel better and achieve more?
It may be simpler than you think.
Let’s dive into what the best version of yourself means and how to get there.
The Control Factor
Before we go too far into your best version of yourself, let’s talk about what you can and cannot control.
In Control
What you can control is your reactions, actions, words, and (sometimes) your thoughts.
To dig into that—in reverse order—your thoughts often dictate how you feel about something or someone. If you’re allowing yourself to dwell on the negative, your outlook will remain bleak and all the rest will follow. That’s not to say you shouldn’t be realistic, but just don’t unpack and live in the dark recesses of your thoughts. Find something positive to keep yourself going. Find acceptance where it’s needed and a path to growth where you want it.
Your words impact on how you feel and how others feel. Consider your values. Do you value honesty, integrity, success, or certain strengths? Based on your values and the situation, what are the appropriate words?
As for actions and reactions, there’s a simple rule: think first. Always. On the job, we need to react quickly, but not so for all situations, including personal relationships. Feel free to slow down there. Our emotions can’t run the show. They’re important, sure, but we can’t let them be in charge. They can be defensive, volatile, and unreliable. This is just how we humans are. Think first and make sure you’ve considered all angles. You might be right, wrong, hurt, angry, or distracted. Self-control is a virtue and a leadership quality.
Out of Control
Outside your control is everything else… everything. You can’t control other people’s decisions, how they react or act, what they say, or what they think any more than the weather. Those things influence you and you can influence them. You can encourage family members or persuade a friend, but you can’t control them. Same for coworkers, leaders, neighbors, etc. You are only in control of yourself. The sooner you accept that, the sooner you can let go of some frustration.
While we’d like to urge a person to seek help, do a task, or act a certain way, we simply cannot force it. Holding on to frustration surrounding those instances will only hurt you. You may continue to not like it or be upset, but realizing it’s not something you can control lightens the burden and helps us to move on.
How to Find the Best Version of Yourself
Finding a comfortable place in life starts inside. The best version of yourself involves knowing yourself deeply: your personal goals and your personal mold. Learn how you imagine a whole and healthy you.
Personal Goals
It’s not about tangible goals but finding the drive behind your personal goals.
Want to run a marathon? Cool, but what’s the drive? Are you trying to be fit? Do you want to increase stamina or speed for some reason? Just love running? Dig into the drive to achieve your goals and get behind them. There’s behind-the-scenes qualities at work. Here’s a quick coaching scenario:
Coach: You said your goal is to train to earn your fourth degree black belt. What will that do for you?
Coaching Partner: I want to be a certified instructor and own my own school.
Coach: What does owning your own school look like to you?
Coaching Partner: I love teaching and building curriculum. I love watching students discover what they’re capable of.
Coach: So, you value teaching and see yourself as a successful instructor?
Coaching Partner: Yes, I value helping my students learn and want to see them through their challenges.
This coaching partner’s best version is teaching and influencing students to reach their best in martial arts. This is achievable on a personal level even before the end goal of becoming a school owner. A best version that’s purpose-driven through personal goals can be easier than some long-term goals.
Personal Mold
The harder obstacle of the best version of yourself might be self-image, personal feelings, or your personal mold. Many things influence self-image from your peers and parents as you grow up to your financial situation and relationships as an adult. Whether it’s body image, career success, or social intelligence, we struggle to fit a mold.
The big question is who creates the mold you’re trying to fit? Dig into that. Is it you? If so, you can shape it. If it’s not you, make it you. (See above about only being in control of you.)
Don’t mix this up with outside responsibilities. Your job has requirements and relationships have requirements, such as being responsible for your children and communicating with other adults. What’s adjustable in that personal mold is how you feel about yourself. Whether it’s physique, attitude, or aptitude, how you treat yourself in your thoughts makes a difference.
I can still do my job if I work hard and ask for help. I’m a valuable contributor.
Even when people are against you, you can work to control your own feelings.
I did what was assigned to me. I’m doing my best, being honest, and showing up.
Even when you make a mistake, you can show yourself kindness and encouragement.
I should apologize and admit what happened. I’m not afraid to admit my mistake.
Everyone’s mold looks different. Discover your personal mold and see if it’s how you want to view yourself. Are you being kind to yourself? Is it positive? Adjust as needed and find a mold that works for you.
A Whole and Healthy You
The best version of yourself starts with a whole and healthy you. This is closer than you think. It takes time to achieve long-term goals like earning a degree or owning a house, but deciding who you want to be as a person starts now. Look at your values, realize what in your life you can and cannot control, dig into the drive behind your goals, and start adjusting your mold to be right for you.
Need a little coaching to help you through? Reach out to an FRC coach today.